12 Monkeys (1995)::rating::3.5::rating::3.5::rating::3.5

N o film does a better job of conveying the grimy, soulless future that awaits us than Terry Gilliam's 12 Monkeys. In 2035, a biblical plague has torn through humanity like a reaper's scythe. The battered tatters of our species cower in underground caves, wallowing and grumbling incoherently. Everyone looks covered in a layer of soot,…

ByTodd WoffordJuly 28, 20220Comments

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Nope (2022)::rating::3.5

W ith Nope, writer-director Jordan Peele delivers a bizarre, fascinating hybrid movie: On one hand, this is a burly sci-fi spectacle, with obvious echoes of Close Encounters, War of the Worlds, and Signs. Peele balances this admirable ambition with flourishes of B-movie silliness, dosing his horror film with the infectious humor of Tremors and the macabre whimsy of…

ByTodd WoffordJuly 23, 20220Comments

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Hot Tub Time Machine (2010)::rating::2

B efore I get to pounding this movie into ground chuck, let me be clear: I know anything called Hot Tub Time Machine ain't gonna be a Eugene O'Neill play. This movie is supposed to be an exercise in magnificent stupidity--blinding, blathering, and cut for optimal idiotic purity. And plenty of flicks have dwelled in this…

ByTodd WoffordJuly 20, 20220Comments

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Jurassic World Dominion (2022)::rating::2

J urassic World Dominion takes hundreds of millions of dollars, Oscar-level talent, and two-plus hours of the audience's valuable time, and shovels them all into a blazing furnace. The result is a hellish inferno that threatens to engulf any good vibes this franchise has left. Somehow, the filmmakers manage to make ravenous dinosaurs seem boring, while also…

ByTodd WoffordJuly 19, 20220Comments

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Ambulance (2022)::rating::2.5

A good movie flickers throughout Ambulance, like a light bulb in a haunted mansion. The only problem is, as always, director Michael Bay can't step back and let the story tell itself. Noooooo. He has to shoot every scene like he's directing a Super Bowl commercial with a gun to his head. That means every…

ByTodd WoffordJuly 14, 20220Comments

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The Terminator (1984)::rating::4

T he Terminator is a massive, ambitious blockbuster, stuck in the body of a low-budget B movie. With his first major film, James Cameron (who co-writes with future wife Gale Ann Hurd) delivers the first modern action spectacle: For all of its 107 minutes, The Terminator is propulsive, visceral, and daring. A thousand movies would try to…

ByTodd WoffordJuly 11, 20220Comments

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Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)::rating::3

I f Thor: Ragnarok was a welcome attempt to infuse the God of Thunder with a disarming sense of goofiness, then Love and Thunder is an all-out surrender to it. The Shakespearean heft of Thor and The Dark World feels light years away, and in its place we get squalling goats, a chatterbox rock monster, and Axel Rose all over the…

ByTodd WoffordJuly 8, 20220Comments

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Father of the Bride (2022)::rating::2.5

T his Father of the Bride suffers from the same disease that afflicted the previous two versions: We'll call it the First World Grumpies. That means we spend most of this movie watching a mopey millionaire bellyache about writing checks. Andy Garcia's titular father pouts and throws toddler-sized tantrums, replete with saliva-soaked volleys of angry Spanish. Clearly,…

ByTodd WoffordJuly 7, 20220Comments

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Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989)::rating::3

N ever before has a more lunkheaded movie been made about the pursuit of knowledge. Here's the strange thing: Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure wears its stupidity with pride, like one of those trucker hats with built-in beer bongs. That means a person in my position can either spend 1000 words picking nits about two airheads…

ByTodd WoffordJuly 6, 20220Comments

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Watcher (2022)::rating::3

W atcher wasn't constructed with COVID in mind, but it might as well have been. On one level, this is an atmospheric little thriller that lights a fuse and lets it sizzle for most of the movie. Take a look below that, and you'll find a meditation on loneliness and spiritual frustration--the very demons that descend…

ByTodd WoffordJuly 2, 20220Comments