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Marry Me (2022)::rating::3
M ovies like Marry Me ignite a battle within my soul.  The cynical side of my personality wants to bash this thing with a tire iron, as I scream how dopey, dippy, and utterly ri-goddam-diculous it is.  But go beyond my snarky outer shell, and you'll find that I'm basically one of those oversized teddy bears…
April 22, 20220Comments
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The Sandlot::rating::3.5
I t’s a fascinating irony that The Sandlot began as an exercise in deep nostalgia.  From its twinkly narration to the hoppin’ oldies on the soundtrack, the entire film is meant to evoke what was–for some–a simpler time, along with the guileless joys of being a child.  Now, almost three decades after its release, children of the…
April 18, 20220Comments
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Morbius (2022)::rating::1
M orbius achieves a rare double feat:  Over the course of its punishing 104 minutes, Daniel Espinosa's middling, piddling vampire epic manages to be glum, but without any dramatic heft.  At the same time, it's also groin-punchingly preposterous, but without a single ounce of kitschy fun.  If good movies offer something for everyone, then Morbius serves up…
April 1, 20220Comments
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Cannonball Run II (1984)::rating::5
W hen Cannonball Run II smashed into theaters, the world simply wasn't ready for it.  "Sheer arrogance made this picture," Roger Ebert noted, with extreme prejudice.  And he's not wrong:  Hal Needham's car-crash spectacular has all the elements of a vanity project gone haywire.  Many scenes feel like Smokey and the Bandit crossed with Hollywood Squares, with a…
April 1, 20220Comments
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The Adam Project (2022)::rating::3
M odern filmmakers borrow so much from Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, and Robert Zemeckis, I'm beginning to wonder if they've worked out some kinda payment plan for the royalties.  Either that, or the studios figure our collective itch for the nostalgia of E.T., Goonies, and Back to the Future is so strong, they might scratch it with another big-budget homage.…
March 30, 20220Comments
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Deep Water (2022)::rating::2
T wo completely different movies live within the soul of Deep Water, and both of them are bad:  On the one level, director Adrian Lyne (Fatal Attraction, Indecent Proposal) delivers a humid, trashy dime store thriller, where a good-looking cast throws pouty tantrums and engages in thoroughly mechanical lovemaking.  Dive further into the film's allegedly deep water,…
March 28, 20220Comments
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