The House with a Clock in Its Walls (2018)::rating::2.5::rating::2.5::rating::2.5

An unbalanced alchemy of diluted Harry Potter and Tim Burton’s fetish for the morbidly adorable, The House with a Clock in Its Walls never manages to be as clever and cuddly as it thinks it is. This cinematic avenue, with a group of amiable weirdos surrounded by suburban normality on all sides--call it Roald Dahl Boulevard—has been…

ByTodd WoffordSeptember 25, 20180Comments

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Crazy Rich Asians (2018)::rating::3.5

Crazy Rich Asians is pure cotton candy—two hours of fluffy entertainment built on an ironically cynical question: Could a true fairy tale still exist in the age of social media saturation and TMZ drudgery? The answer will depend on your own sentimentality and suspension of disbelief. If you can sift past a few gaps in credibility,…

ByTodd WoffordSeptember 21, 20180Comments

The Archive

Boogie Nights (1997)::rating::4

Alternately cheery and dreary, Paul Thomas Anderson’s porn de force shines a blacklight on the adult film industry, and its awkward transition into the era of VHS and HIV. Mark Wahlberg—sporting a prosthetic trouser hog—nails it as impressionable fuck boy Dirk Diggler. Burt Reynolds is his match as the Colonel Parker who ushers his very own…

ByTodd WoffordSeptember 21, 20180Comments

Laughable

Cannonball Run II (1984)::rating::0

The most disturbing thing about this movie resides in the fact that somebody somewhere thought it was a good idea to make it. I picture a mulleted movie executive in a seersucker suit, doing lines of Colombian Pure and puffing down Marlboro Reds. In that haze of 80s euphoria, a cleansing moment of clarity forms: …

ByTodd WoffordSeptember 20, 20180Comments

Laughable

From Justin to Kelly (2003)::rating::0.5

I’m a firm believer that few things in life can be all bad. Most movies have at least a little something to redeem them. My notes for From Justin to Kelly feature exactly one compliment: The font used for the opening credits is “interesting.” If I’m limited to saying something nice, my review would stop right…

ByTodd WoffordSeptember 17, 20180Comments

Greatest

Unforgiven (1992)::rating::4.5

T he Western genre is replete with hard-asses who prefer to mow down their enemies and ask questions later. Clint Eastwood’s Unforgiven dwells on the men who’ve lived long enough to ask the questions and arrive at some unsettling answers. For them, killing isn’t the only way, just the only way they’re any good at. If the…

ByTodd WoffordSeptember 14, 20180Comments

The Archive

Iron Man 2 (2010)::rating::2.5

Aggressively middling sequel goes through the motions to such a degree that even Downey Jr. can’t save it. Miscast Mickey Rourke shoplifts Malkovich’s moose-and-squirrel accent from Rounders. And somebody somewhere should be cleaning up litter on the 105 with a pokey stick for wasting Sam Rockwell like this. Only real bright spot: Scarlett Johansson makes…

ByTodd WoffordSeptember 14, 20180Comments

Exclusive

Iron Man 2 (2010)::rating::2.5

Weak sauce sequel tries and fails to replicate the recipe of the original: Tony Stark (RDJ) is a known quantity as Iron Man, which turns out to be more blessing than curse. Crazy Russian scientist (Mickey Rourke, deploying John Malkovich's accent from Rounders) turns up for revenge. The Feds turn up for Tony's suit. Meanwhile,…

ByTodd WoffordSeptember 14, 20180Comments

The Archive

Iron Man (2008)::rating::3.5

For all the world-building and king-making done here, Marvel’s Mayflower voyage into cinematic domination is really just a pretty good movie. And much of that is due to the strength of Downey Jr., who makes the deadlifting of a movie star look easy. Everything else about it is engaging and well-done enough, um—serviceable, that’s the…

ByTodd WoffordSeptember 14, 20180Comments

Exclusive

Iron Man (2008)::rating::3.5

Smartass billionaire Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) gets taken hostage by ISIS-type group, becomes titular superhero in order to escape. Rollicking action saga boots up the MCU, but also does just dandy on its lonesome. RDJ remakes the lead character in his own image, and keeps it that way for about twenty more movies. Director…

ByTodd WoffordSeptember 14, 20180Comments