Many years ago, I recall watching a clip on the YouTubes: In it, a middle-aged man interviewed another middle-aged man. Neither of them spoke a lick of English. (I’ll throw a wild guess and say I was hearing Dutch.) One of them must’ve said something that tickled the other, because they quickly descended into the giggles. It was impossible not to smile, as these grown-ass dudes cackled maniacally and struggled to breathe. I had no idea what anybody was saying, but…wooo-weeee! Good times.
I touch on that story because it matches my experience with A Minecraft Movie. A lot of things happen during this film, and I didn’t understand most of them. Jack Black delivers gobs of information via over-caffeinated voiceover. In-jokes abound. Cube-shaped chickens get roasted. All this is probably tons of fun for somebody somewhere. Just not me.
As such, I’m not sure how to dissect this movie, but a-here we go: We open on Steve (Black), who ekes an existence as a doorknob salesman. (I know it’s the movie’s lame joke, but wouldn’t doorknobs sell themselves?) Put in gamer terms, he’s an NPC who desperately wants an upgrade to Main Character status. Also, for reasons that pass understanding, Steve has also dreamed of exploring a nearby mine. One day, Steve works up the bravery, hoists a pickaxe over his shoulder, and wanders into the nearby mineshaft.
In a remarkable moment of plot convenience, the mine grants all of Steve’s wishes at once. He stumbles through a portal, and into the magical realm of Overworld. A pixilated expanse of video game geography, Overlord feels like a rough draft of Mario World. Steve soon discovers that this land grants him the powers of creation. He can summon building blocks at will, construct houses, forts, and even businesses. Finally, Steve has all the importance he lacked in the real world.
At this point, you’re probably thinking that’s enough plot for a movie based on an iPhone game. Alas, nope. Director Jared Hess (Napoleon Dynamite), working with a platoon of screenwriters, heaves a raft of characters onscreen. In fact, Steve’s backstory is barely the appetizer of this piglin buffet.
We’ll start with Garrett “The Garbage Man” Garrison. Despite that pro wrestler moniker, and the fact he’s played by Jason Momoa, Garrett is actually a washed-out video game hero–because apparently those exist. Now, he lives a lame existence, trading on his meager past glory and conning people out of vintage gamer consoles.
Meanwhile, siblings Henry (Sebastian Hansen) and Natalie (Emma Meyers) are just trying to rebuild their lives. After the sudden death of their mother, Natalie has accepted a new job in a new town, and must act as young Henry’s guardian. To complicate things a little more, Henry puts off some real Wesley Crusher vibes: He might have some ingenious breakthrough, or he might destroy the entire town.
Finally, this script–which was probably assembled out of a kit–requires at least one relatable adult. Enter Dawn (Danielle Brooks). She’s a smartass realtor with about fifteen side hustles. Her role is to play off the goober theatricals of Black and Momoa and act like someone from, you know, Earth.
That’s a lot of content crammed into 101 minutes of Minecraft, and we haven’t even touched on the villains yet. Well, here’s the Reader’s Digest version: The evil piglins, led by Malgosha (voice of Rachel House), want to cover Overworld in darkness. For that, they’ll need the Orb of Destruction. Of course, the orb has come into the possession of Garrett the Goob, who is unaware of its importance. Through the some truly impressive script gymnastics, all the aforementioned characters must come together to enter the portal and save Overworld from the onslaught of pig-demons.
Or something like that. If that description sounds superficially familiar, it might be because A Minecraft Movie bears an aesthetic similarity to Jake Kasdan’s recent Jumanji flicks. (They even port over Jack Black for good measure.) If you enjoyed that franchise, there’s a passable chance you’ll get a kick out of this one, too.
As with Jumanji, Minecraft features nimble comedic performances from its leads. Black plays Steve like a walking, talking burst of five-hour energy. By contrast, Momoa goes against type, infusing Garrett with real loser vibes. In fact, his character is a riff on a trope I call the Letterman Jacket Loser. You know the type: A fortyish, well-bellied barfly, perched on a corner stool, nursing a cheap beer and still living off that big touchdown run. On that front, Momoa excels as a man coming to grips with how pitiful he is.
Movies like this always remind me of a great quote from Roger Ebert: “To the degree I understand, I do not care.” A Minecraft Movie gave me 101 minutes of that feeling. On the other hand, I saw this movie with my five-year-old son–a Minecraft obsessive. He loved every scene, and gushed about it all way home. Much like those Dutch guys cackling, all I could do was offer a confused smile. Guess you just had to be there. And maybe speak the language.
101 min. PG. In theaters and On Demand.
