The Marvels (2023)::rating::2.5::rating::2.5::rating::2.5

A s a Star Trek nerd, I remember the 90s as an embarrassment of riches. Actually, it was a never-ending glut: We got seven seasons of The Next Generation, plus seven of Deep Space Nine! But wait, there's more--seven seasons of Voyager, featuring a holographic doctor and a chef that looks like a warthog! Toss in four feature…

ByTodd WoffordFebruary 28, 20240Comments

The Archive The Podcast

The English Patient (1996)::rating::4

I can still remember those heady days in 1996, when everybody this side of Elaine Benes swooned over The English Patient. To audiences and critics alike, Anthony Minghella's magnum opus was a magnificent symbiosis of Lawrence of Arabia's sweeping desert majesty and Doctor Zhivago's soapy wartime romance, recalibrated for the Crystal Pepsi Generation. I mean, Ralph Fiennes'…

ByTodd WoffordFebruary 14, 20240Comments

The Archive The Podcast

Gladiator (2000)::rating::3

D eep in the mine shafts of my brain, I keep a list of perfect movies. Deeper still, there's a list of perfectly awful movies. Below that, under hundreds of feet of bedrock, you'll find a list of perfectly okay movies. Burrow long enough, and you'll find Gladiator down there. I know, tons of people…

ByTodd WoffordFebruary 6, 20240Comments

Greatest

The Godfather (1972)::rating::5

M odern cinema simply could not exist as it is without The Godfather. Francis Coppola's masterpiece redefined the width and depth that movies could explore, and inspired a million imitations and homages along the way. No film has ever distilled disparate elements so well: Arthouse ambition melds with pure popcorn entertainment. Nouvelle Vague flourishes flow through the dimensions…

ByTodd WoffordJanuary 30, 20240Comments

The Archive The Podcast

Gremlins (1984)::rating::3

G remlins attracts more clashing adjectives than any other blockbuster of its era: It's both cute and disturbing. Clever, but also idiotic. There's Christmas cheer, but it's coated with the bubbling slime of Halloween. All this adds up to a movie that's fun, but...weird. I grew up watching Gremlins, but I can't say with certainty that…

ByTodd WoffordDecember 20, 20230Comments

Greatest The Archive The Podcast

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)::rating::4

I n The Nightmare Before Christmas, producer Tim Burton and director Henry Selick deliver an amiably grimy little world, perfectly content with its own gurgling, soot-stained aesthetic. The monstrous characters smile and sing to one another, as if they’re goth outcasts from a bigger, shinier Disney production. All this adds up to a Christmas movie for the weirdo…

ByTodd WoffordDecember 13, 20230Comments

Uncategorized

Hook (1991)::rating::3.5

H ook must've had an elevator pitch for the ages: Imagine a sequel to Peter Pan, starring Robin Williams as an adult version of the character. Next, add Dustin Hoffman as an aging Captain Hook, and Julia Roberts as Tinkerbell. Now, let's seal it with Steven Spielberg in the director's chair and John Williams in front…

ByTodd WoffordDecember 6, 20230Comments

Latest

Trolls Band Together (2023)::rating::3

A fter three movies, the Trolls franchise has settled deep into formula: Take a legion of fuzzy, butt-wiggling Happy Meal toys and build them a Spotify playlist of FM hits from the 70s, 80s, and 90s. Add a vibrant palate of a million Candy Crush colors and…voila! You’ve got a passably entertaining experience for kids and grown-ups alike. Band…

ByTodd WoffordNovember 28, 20230Comments

Laughable The Archive The Podcast

Double Impact (1991)::rating::3

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." S o sayeth the Old Testament. Indeed, it turns out the best person to mold Jean-Claude Van Damme into a precise killing machine is another Jean-Claude Van Damme. With that wisdom in mind, we get Double Impact, wherein duplicate Belgian ass-kickers stare each other down and flex their oily…

ByTodd WoffordNovember 22, 20230Comments

Greatest The Podcast

Adaptation (2002)::rating::4

A daptation is a dazzling blur of a movie, wherein clashing genres and emotions swirl in a furious cyclone of audacity and ambition. Comedy mixes with drama, fiction blends with fact, and sheer cockiness dukes it out with startling vulnerability to form a strange, ungainly masterwork. The resulting story defies easy description, alternating seamlessly between…

ByTodd WoffordNovember 15, 20230Comments