Trolls Band Together (2023)::rating::3::rating::3::rating::3

A fter three movies, the Trolls franchise has settled deep into formula: Take a legion of fuzzy, butt-wiggling Happy Meal toys and build them a Spotify playlist of FM hits from the 70s, 80s, and 90s. Add a vibrant palate of a million Candy Crush colors and…voila! You’ve got a passably entertaining experience for kids and grown-ups alike. Band…

ByTodd WoffordNovember 28, 20230Comments

Double Impact (1991)::rating::3

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." S o sayeth the Old Testament. Indeed, it turns out the best person to mold Jean-Claude Van Damme into a precise killing machine is another Jean-Claude Van Damme. With that wisdom in mind, we get Double Impact, wherein duplicate Belgian ass-kickers stare each other down and flex their oily…

ByTodd WoffordNovember 22, 20230Comments

Greatest The Podcast

Adaptation (2002)::rating::4

A daptation is a dazzling blur of a movie, wherein clashing genres and emotions swirl in a furious cyclone of audacity and ambition. Comedy mixes with drama, fiction blends with fact, and sheer cockiness dukes it out with startling vulnerability to form a strange, ungainly masterwork. The resulting story defies easy description, alternating seamlessly between…

ByTodd WoffordNovember 15, 20230Comments

Greatest

Killers of the Flower Moon (2023)::rating::5

W hen the Osage struck oil in Oklahoma, it seemed they would be the first tribe to gain real leverage against the federal government. Instead, all these instant riches simply brought a different form of destruction. In the years that followed this initial oil boom, a legion of lecherous, treacherous hyenas began to circle the…

ByTodd WoffordNovember 9, 20230Comments

The Archive The Podcast

Twins (1988)::rating::3.5

I t probably wasn't, but I like to imagine that Twins was concocted by coked-out studio executives on a beach somewhere. Slathered in sunscreen and blathering out of their minds, the idea pops up after the fourth mai-tai: Twins--separated at birth! Only, one is played by Conan the Barbarian, and the other by that little smartass…

ByTodd WoffordNovember 8, 20230Comments

The Archive The Podcast

The Crow (1994)::rating::3.5

T he Crow will be forever defined by the tragedy that occured during its production. On March 31st, 1993, star Brandon Lee was shot and killed on the set, the result of a mishandled prop gun. The film was around 80% complete, so the work was finished with the help of stunt doubles, crafty editing, and…

ByTodd WoffordOctober 31, 20230Comments

Laughable The Podcast

Fright Night Part 2 (1988)::rating::2

A nyone crafting a paper on the uselessness of movie sequels could cite Fright Night Part 2 as a prime example. It xeroxes the most generic traits of the first film, but loses all the humor and charm in the translation. What's left is an exhausted, bankrupt movie: Competent makeup and special effects serve a lazy…

ByTodd WoffordOctober 25, 20230Comments

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Poltergeist (1982)::rating::4

P oltergeist represents a perfect symbiosis of Hollywood production values and the freewheeling imagination of 80s shoestring horror: When a steak cooks itself on a kitchen counter, or a dude peels the skin from his face, that's the work of Lucasfilm's Industrial Light and Magic. The lilting, majestic strings on the soundtrack are conducted by Oscar-winner…

ByTodd WoffordOctober 18, 20230Comments

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Mission: Impossible — Dead Reckoning Part One (2023)::rating::4

S even movies in, the Mission: Impossible franchise has officially overtaken the 007 series for audacious, indulgent action spectacle. Of course, they'll never match the quantity of Bond films (unless Tom Cruise decides to live another forty years), but their quality is now the gold-standard for burly, brainy tentpole flicks. Also unmatched is Cruise's steely, batshit resolve…

ByTodd WoffordOctober 13, 20230Comments

The Archive The Podcast

Friday the 13th (1980)::rating::3

A s with many other influential movies, Friday the 13th carries the weight of everything it has inspired: We're talking sequels, a prequel series, reboots, and retcons, ripoffs, and rehashes. Along that journey, Jason Voorhees has been to Hell, Manhattan, Elm Street, and outer space. You can also spot obvious homages within the Scream and Scary Movie franchises. All that…

ByTodd WoffordOctober 11, 20230Comments