Total Recall (1990)::rating::3.5::rating::3.5::rating::3.5

T otal Recall marries some truly audacious sci-fi concepts to a traditional Arnold Schwarzenegger action epic. It's an unholy union, to say the least: A man's shaky grasp of his own shifting reality occupies the same movie as oily bad guys getting their arms ripped off and an endless barrage of cheeseball one-liners. (Of course,…

ByTodd WoffordFebruary 19, 20250Comments

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Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982)::rating::4.5

I can't properly define my love for The Wrath of Khan without also describing how much I despise the film that preceded it. Star Trek: The Motion Picture was ponderous and hokey, like a bad episode of the original series stretched out with an Ambien and four gin and tonics. The proto-CGI was bad, but the…

ByTodd WoffordFebruary 12, 20250Comments

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The Substance (2024)::rating::3.5

T he Substance bundles several movies into one ungainly package: Midnight-black comedy mingles with more spraying blood than a GWAR binge on Youtube. Stinging social satire flows through flourishes of The Twilight Zone and Death Becomes Her. The result is alternately funny, heartbreaking, visceral, and irritating. And nothing about any of it is subtle. This…

ByTodd WoffordFebruary 10, 20250Comments

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Blade Runner – Final Cut (1982)::rating::5

B lade Runner is a beautiful nightmare, bathed in flickering neon and dirty rainwater. Director Ridley Scott feasts upon our fears of the future, wherein humanity's technological reach has finally exceeded its grasp and we are reduced to a miserable, shivering rabble, lost in the sprawl of our own ambition. A sense of hopelessness radiates from…

ByTodd WoffordFebruary 5, 20250Comments

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Alien (1979)::rating::4.5

Jaws in space." -- The original studio pitch for Alien. T hat's a catchy hook for a sci-fi horror flick, and no doubt it helped get Alien bankrolled at 20th Century Fox. It also undersells the uniqueness and uncommon quality of Ridley Scott's finished product. This is no cheap, rickety derivative, destined to expire as soon as it…

ByTodd WoffordJanuary 16, 20250Comments

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The Road Warrior (1982)::rating::5

F or 96 electrifying minutes, The Road Warrior moves with a propulsive fury. Just about every scene revs with some kind of action, whether its growling engines, screaming punks, or a twirling boomerang. Even when director George Miller downshifts for a beat of dialogue, the characters are usually prepping for a massive chase scene. Nothing audio…

ByTodd WoffordJanuary 11, 20250Comments

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Scrooged (1988)::rating::2.5

S crooged ranks amongst the bleakest and most sarcastic Christmas films ever made. It transmutes A Christmas Carol into the soulless, frenetic commercialism of 1980s America. On paper, this change in setting and the lead casting of Bill Murray should combine for a slam dunk. In reality, this modernized Scrooge only works in fits and…

ByTodd WoffordDecember 21, 20240Comments

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Eyes Wide Shut (1999)::rating::3

E yes Wide Shut is a confounding experience: The story is overlong, but it's never exactly boring. Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman deliver some of their most impassioned work, even if their characters feel aloof and unrelatable. Stanley Kubrick bedecks his quasi-erotic odyssey with eye-popping colors, although the New York of his fantasy rings completely…

ByTodd WoffordDecember 13, 20240Comments

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The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996)::rating::3

T he Long Kiss Goodnight is an ungainly hybrid, wherein a lean, mean Cold War thriller mingles with a big, dumb 90s action epic. Every scene practically dares you take it seriously, and that's a game of chicken I can promise you'll lose. How well you can tolerate this film's shameless silliness will determine your…

ByTodd WoffordDecember 6, 20240Comments

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Galaxy Quest (1999)::rating::4

A s a pop culture behemoth, the Star Trek franchise has long been a ripe target for satire. In fact, just about every sketch comedy show has fired off a Trek spoof, whether it's Jim Carrey's clipped, histrionic Captain Kirk on In Living Color, or Bill Shatner himself mocking Trekkie superfans on SNL. All this pointing and snickering crystallized…

ByTodd WoffordNovember 27, 20240Comments